[28 Nov 2005|09:14pm] I wish I could close my eyes and fly away and leave this world behind. Nostalgia. Notstalgia. Nostalgia. Does it end? reverie

pick up every piece [15 Aug 2005|04:37pm] I don't like people. I don't like people. I like books. And animals. And trees. I like the sky and the sun and the stars and the moon and I like it when it rains. It rained today. I stood outside and let the rain fall on me. I didn't care that it was cold; being rinsed clean by something as refreshing as rain makes you forget those sorts of things. I love the smell of rain in the desert. When I leave Arizona that is what I will miss most. That's right, I said when. Not if, because I know one day I'll leave. I want to go to New York where there are buildings and lights and people. I don't know why, because people make me nervous, and New York is full of people. In New York I'll be overwhelmed. But I don't think about that. I think about education and Paris and opportunities and my future. I want to go to NYU. I'll miss nature and the sky and the smell of desert rain, but I'll get an education, and education matters most. I will have to make myself calm around all the people and the pollution and the culture so I can learn and live and prepare for my life. Then I can move to Paris. Ah, je souhaite ... I went to the bookstore today. It's one of my favorite places in the world because it just is. Books are good. They open up the world to you. Thousands of different worlds in different times with different characters and different situations and different things. I love losing myself in a book and forgetting this place and these people and the trivial things in life. Maybe one day I'll write a book. I don't know what it would be about. Maybe it could be one of the stories I make up before I go to sleep. I love the time right before I fall asleep. I imagine places and situations and people -- good people -- and let myself be the main character. Sometimes I'm a person. Sometimes I'm a girl. Sometimes I'm a boy. Sometimes I'm a horse. Sometimes I'm myself and I think of things that I wish would happen to me. Then I think of how I would act and I act like that and I find the best way to act and I run over it again and again so if it ever happens I'll be prepared. I'm seventeen and sometimes I feel like I'm seven and sometimes I feel like I'm forty seven. Sometimes I feel young and am ready for the world and sometimes I feel weary and haggard and just want to sink into an abyss and never look at another person again. People make me feel that way. I hate small talk and when people talk and when they're near me and when they touch me. The end for now. 1 lostlostin areverie

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